GOLD RIVER, CA (MPG) - ‘Tis the season for fruit cake, year-end lists and Christmas carols penned by Hanukkah-celebrating songwriters. One of those three is my holiday gift to my dear readers. Since I don’t think Gold River’s sewer system could handle my giving away fruit cakes to every resident, and I already croon holiday tunes on request year-round, that leaves the year-end list.

That’s right, faithful readers. You didn’t ask for it and now you’ve got it – the Goldys, my annual awards for the best of Gold River and vicinity. We begin with a Goldy stinking of nepotism.

Best Teacher at Gold River Discovery Center – The Goldy goes to Mimi Dickstein, instructor extraordinaire of English, history, French and, bless her heart, organizer of the 6th grade science trip. Good thing we don’t trade jobs for a day. Between what she deals with and my lack of tolerance, I wouldn’t last an hour.

Best Gym – Gold River Sports Club, and not because they’re an advertiser. After leaving the then-named Gold River Racquet Club for a year at California Family Fitness, and literally 24 hours at 24 Hour Fitness, I learned that the grass isn’t greener and the workouts aren’t necessarily better on the other side. Nice to be back on this side of Sunrise, where I know people and don’t have to bring my own workout towel.

Best Korean BBQ – Oz on Bradshaw puts the “go” in bulgogi. Go there for the best overall meats, side dishes, wait staff, atmosphere and management (yeah, I’m talking about you Saucy Ben). Having experienced all area restaurants in this category multiple times, including service-challenged Gangnam Ave. across Sunrise thrice, I proudly present the Goldy to Oz, the only one that comes close to matching the quality and vibe of my favorite Korean BBQs in Seoul.

Best Thing at SMF Besides an On-Time Flight – One bite of their braised short rib, mustard chicken marsala or panna cotta and you’ll agree that the quasi-new Escape Lounges inside both terminals are sumptuously special. With a Groupon, for about $25 you can enjoy a nice selection of gourmet food, an open bar, screaming Wi-Fi and other niceties before takeoff.

Best Corporate Culture Among Top Area Employers – Well, I haven’t worked at all of them, but between Intel, my home away from home for nearly 18 years before taking the early retirement package, and VSP, where I recently came off an extended contract, I’m going eyecare over microchips. A column will be devoted to this subject next year, so I’ll just say that even though Intel gave me so much over the years, it was never the bastion of politeness and perks among employees that VSP is. VSP workers even wipe down sinks in the break areas and restrooms, for gosh sake. I swear it’s Pleasantville before color.

Best Auto Dealership Service Department – Folsom Lake Honda hasn’t taken me for a ride in the 10 years I’ve gone there for service of what is now three Accords in the family. OK, one dude there ticked me off a while ago, but I got even by helping myself to a second complimentary peanut butter cracker snack.

Best Men’s Haircut – I’ve brought my thinning scalp to nearly all the franchised hair salons in the area, and the one that routinely gives me good hair days is the Great Clips in the Rivergate Shopping Center. Heather and others really know how to lick my stubborn cowlick, figuratively, of course.

Best Women’s Haircut – When my wife comes home happy with the cut done by someone who was professional and on time, and on a regular basis, only then will a Goldy be given out in this category.

Best Chicken – For fast food chicken, gotta go with the spicy option at Popeye’s on Zinfandel because of the right amount of Cajun seasoning and, unlike our neighborhood El Pollo Loco, doesn’t have a manager with terrible customer service skills. For fine dining, it’s the fried chicken at The Porch in Midtown. My family knows that’s what I want as my last meal if I’m ever on Death Row and out of appeals.

Best Restaurant Employee – Hard-working and loyal Francisco at Outback Steakhouse has been a busser there longer than the aborigines have been in Australia. An exaggeration? You bet, but if Outback can stretch the truth with claims it’s an Australian restaurant, so can I.

Best Sign of Life at Dying Sunrise Mall – Except around the winter holidays or when the traveling carnivals and circuses take up temporary residency in the parking lot, Sunrise Mall is on life support. When it dies, the greatest loss will be the talented and fair-priced folks at Fast Fix-It. They’re our go-to for batteries, bands, broken baubles and banter.

Best Microbrew – With so many small-batch IPAs, pilsners, lagers and other types of beer from several dozen microbreweries in the area, each brimming over with pride like a good head of foam, it’s hard to choose just one. Oh, who are we kidding? I don’t even like beer. The Goldy goes to Out of Bounds in Folsom because I thought with a location so far from homes it was going to die faster than I can say, “How can anyone honestly say they enjoy an IPA?”

Best Gold River Not Our Gold River – In Redwood country, at the foot of the Klamath River, minutes from the Pacific Ocean and nearly 7 hours from us, is the Gold River Lodge. We don’t get a discount for sharing names, but we do get bird watching, kayaking, surfing, hiking and, what most folks come for, super fly fishing for salmon and steelhead. At least, that’s what the Goldy-winning guys at the State Fair told me at their booth. Not being an avid outdoorsman, let alone a fisherman, I’ll stick to cruises.

Best Loser of His Man Card – I guess the Goldy goes to me. Admitting to not liking fishing or beer isn’t exactly helping me maintain a macho image. Never hunted, either. Probably should keep it to myself that I watch “General Hospital” with the wife and I like the smell of lavender. Talk about social suicide if that ever got out. OK, better run – my favorite Hallmark Channel Christmas movie is about to start. Now where’s my favorite throw blanket?

 

David Dickstein is a Gold River resident and national award-winning writer. He can be reached at [email protected].